It is no secret that I am an ardent admirer of The Piano Guys.  They recently posted their new video, “A Thousand Years.”  I watched it and kept thinking, “I’ll bet there are words to this song, and if I knew what they were, I would probably cry.”

So, being completely detached from pop culture, I had no idea that this song was featured on some Twilight thing.  I researched and found out the young lady who helped to write the song was inspired because of her love for a dreamy, sparkly vampire guy.  Which is nice, but, wow–when I read the lyrics my interpretation was completely different.

I suppose breathless teen romance would be an acceptable meaning for this song, but The Piano Guys interpretation felt so much more real and substantial and significant…(of course, I know there are plenty of people who could argue with me that nothing could be more significant than the marriage of a teenage girl and a two or three hundred year old undead man…but I digress).


So, what did I think about this song, you are surely asking yourself and waiting in great anticipation for my finding deeper meaning in a popular culture thing.  At the risk of feeling somewhat silly (like the people who quote Yoda as a bona fide philosopher), I will share.

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I’m afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer…

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don’t be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more

Our Foster Daughter and now AMAZING Woman and Opera Singer

My first thought was of my feelings as an adoptive/foster mother, and of all the adoptive/foster mothers I know.  It is terrifying to open your heart to a child, not knowing if they will be ripped away from you after you’ve entwined your heart in theirs, not knowing if the suffering they’ve experienced will keep them from being able to love you the way you love them…not being able to know really if anything is sure.  Having to put your trust in God that He will somehow be able to work through bureaucrats and sometimes pure evil is really, really hard.

I remember when we housed an abused mother and her newborn child.  She had already given up her other two children for adoption, and we wondered if she would give this one up, too.  I knew that we weren’t the family for this baby, and she ended up keeping him and going back to her sexually and physically abusive husband with the baby.  In the short time he was with us, I found myself holding him and trying not to give my heart to him.  But, it was impossible.  I remember just trying to love him as much as I could, and to teach the mother how to love her baby.

I saw that it was a losing battle, and I foresaw what his life would be–a life of abuse and sadness.  How could I possibly do this?

And, then, I saw him there alone, and suddenly, like the lyrics, I found my courage to open my heart and let go of doubt and pour love into him.  And you know what I learned?

God spoke to me and told me that in eternity, those moments of love would matter to that baby.  Somehow, even after a lifetime of abuse and neglect, in eternity, that little boy would know that a mother with a mother heart loved him with her whole soul–if only for a few brief moments.  And it counted.  And it still counts.

My Beautiful Friend and Her Beautiful Family

One of the most beautiful, graceful, amazing women I know has adopted two little babies.  The second adoption was very risky–there was a chance that the birth father, who had many, many problems of his own, would not agree to the adoption.  She went home and waited for months.  And she prayed.  Not to get what she wanted, but that God’s will would be made manifest–she prayed for the birth father, for the baby, and for their family.  She loved her baby with her soul, regardless of what would happen.

Every day an adoptive/foster mother loves her child, not knowing what will happen tomorrow, something dies inside.  Not in a bad way, though.  I think our own pride, selfishness, and self-will die and we are left with nothing but submission to the will of kind heaven.

And I believe in a pre-mortal existence.  I believe that the people we meet here in this life we have known before–perhaps even loved for a thousand years, or more.

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What’s standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this

One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don’t be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more

Born Into the World…And I Am Born Again…

I thought of giving birth to all of my children…time does seem to stand still, and in every labor, the mother gets to that point where heaven and earth collide and she says:

I can’t do this.

And that’s when God Himself comes down from heaven and breathes the breath of life into a human soul…and everything culminates in that beautiful being.

Having had a lot of experience in those last weeks leading up to those moments, I can testify that I truly have died everyday waiting for my children.  Every day at the end, when you think, “Maybe it’s today that she will come…” and then at night, when the day is over and you realize, “Not today,” and you cry and you let go of everything and you finally submit to His timing and His will and His purposes.  And you realize that before you have the baby the old you has to die and the you that needs to be the mother to this child must be born a little more every day until that final moment when both mother and child are born…

And, I believe intensely that I have loved all my children for timeless ages before we lived on this earth.  I believe in that premortal heaven, we had beautiful relationships and made promises to help each other on this journey.

Whether adopted, fostered, in my life for a few days, a moment, a few weeks, or borne through my body, I have always known that one of the greatest purposes of my life would be to find my children–and we find them through faith, love, and becoming one with God.

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don’t be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more

And finally, I thought of my daughter who has gone on ahead of me and taken that short walk back to the God who gave her life in the first place.  I thought of finally seeing her again, after all of this is over, and how I truly die every day waiting for her.  I try to have all the temper tantrums, complaining, complacency, and sin die every day.  While much of my heart is still on this side of the veil, truly, a small part of my heart dies a little every day that I am physically without her. I can’t help that.

My Joy With My Beautiful Friend

But, all along, I know I will find her again, and that we are bound together in love.  Science says our mortal bodies are made up of the elements of the universe, and I believe that our spiritual selves are made of far older material, and that the union of those two sealed with love binds us in ways that cannot be broken by death, time, or any other means with the exception of sin.

So, the song, in the end, made me think of love–especially mother love.  When I watched Stephen Nelson playing the cello in that video, I thought he was thinking of real, deep love…deeper even than can be felt between a vampire and a teenager.

And I thought of all the women in my life who truly love with a mother heart, who have inspired me.  And I thought of women who I don’t know personally, but whose stories of mother love have had a profound impact on my life.

One Of The Most Inspiring Groups of Women I Know…Mother and All Her Daughters

So, here is a video set to “A Thousand Years” of my own loves–my little ones–and some of the women and children who have inspired me…