I did not expect to really be using my one word for  the year so soon.

A week ago, I was feeling a little sick–my ear hurt.

It suddenly turned into what looked like a stroke.  And I sounded like Frankenstein.

I have no recollection of 18 hours of my life at that time.

And then I woke up in the ICU.

And I heard things like “cognitive reasoning struggles”.

Physical therapy.

Do you know what day it is?

And, really, in those moments you just realize what is really important and you are happy to be here, even though here is hard.  It’s good to be here.

Ever since Joy died, I have felt like I have been hounded by the Spirit to live life in a different way–in ways that really matter, kind of seeing with the heart.

Seeing with the heart is exhausting and a foreign way to live.  I wonder if I will ever figure it out.

I wonder why Heavenly Father wants it ingrained in my soul so very much.

I feel like I am a bit lost–slipped from my mooring a bit.

And then my husband called and told me he got in an accident with our car and some snow.

And I couldn’t handle that information.  I feel like I have reached my limit for everything (especially antibiotics), and I can’t respond normally right now.

I need help.

I have gotten help.

My friend Noelle came and massaged my feet.  I have very amazing friends.

My friends all over are praying for me.

I feel the help and I don’t know how much more I can be humbled.

I will probably go home tomorrow, and I am a little scared because I don’t know what I am going to do.  Life is different and I am different and I wonder what it will be like.

And I hope I will make it, and make my life worthwhile because people have done so much for me.  I am so grateful beyond belief for the amazing people in my life.  Thank you.