It’s the beginning of a new chapter in the adventure called my life.
Actually, I am starting a completely new novel, I think.
After much consideration, I realize that I am just wrapping up book two in the series, which is the one where it seems like everyone is waiting and nothing really happens and it ends kind of with a “What? That’s not an ending!” because book three is coming and that’s where all the stuff starts happening again.
The last few months have been the end of book two, where things don’t seem to be going right, and victory is not eminent.
In book two, people start arguing, no one is really sure that they are going to eventually win. Is the sacrifice worth it? It seems like it might not be.
Most people think the heroes are crazy for even trying, and some of the good guys even get betrayed…and the bad guys, well, the bad guys are living it up, thinking,
We are so winning! They are so going to lose! And then we will rule the world!
So, yeah, that’s been my life the past few months.
There are victories in book two, but they don’t feel like victories and they don’t look like victories. They look for all the world like failures.
My victories look like whining children who don’t want to do their homework or their chores and me crying in my room because I can’t stand it anymore but I am sticking to my guns, because I am not going to be taken down by 4 1/2 hours of whining.
That’s a victory that doesn’t feel like a victory because at the end of the day I end up watching Netflix to lull my mind into oblivion. But, I keep trying.
And, in an amazing plot twist, at the end of book two, I cancelled Netflix.
Way to go me, for being brave and all.
But is it really a victory? Will it work?
Will I be able to maintain my discipline and not be sucked into three seasons of ____________ in two nights because my kids won’t stop complaining about who has to sweep and mop?
My victory looks like me in yoga pants and a ratty t-shirt walking on the treadmill at 1.9 to 2.1 miles per hour as I try to maintain my composure when the SMeE headache slams me like a freight train and I keep walking.
And my hair isn’t done, and I don’t have any make up on and I don’t look good in yoga pants.
Especially when I am also five months pregnant.
And seriously, I am sweating at 1.9 miles per hour. Mostly because of the headache, but still.
I do have some dang cute Altras, though.
My victory looks like having friends who love me anyway–even after they’ve seen me “work out.”
My victory looks like dinner on the table even though it isn’t all organic and it may or may not be completely balanced and/or visually appealing.
That’s okay. We’re not known to be completely balanced, either.
My victory looks like, “Well, I know I really messed this up so completely that I don’t even know if I can ever fix it, but I will try again tomorrow.”
My victory looks like me explaining to my husband that I am merely having an emotional reaction rather than telling him a) I think he’s a total jerk, and b) I despise and loathe him.
(Which is totally and patently not how I really feel, but that’s what is going on in my head when he tries to tell me solutions to the problems I am venting about…Also, it’s usually how I feel when I am the one being a jerk and when I loathe and despise myself.)
My victory looks like pajamas on the couch and a really ugly low ponytail. Because, hey, I made it to the couch today!
My victories look so bad that they wouldn’t make it to Facebook. They would be flagged as inappropriate.
I know I will have the kind of victories that look great again someday. But the amazing, stand-up-with-the-crowd-and-cheer victories can’t come without the messy, ugly, lonely, failing type of victories that come along a lot more frequently…
So, here’s to the victories that look like failures.
Here’s to the times when you can’t stand on top of the mountain, surrounded by positive energy and sparkles and rainbows, but you are still standing at the end of the day.
Here’s to the times when you don’t make it across the finish line, but you survived.
Here’s to the times when you couldn’t meditate and feel the mystic energies of the Mother Universe and live off of light and goodness and dehydrated kale….but at least you are not washing down Ben and Jerry’s with a six pack of Diet Coke.
These are the “book two” victories and no matter how small, they count. They count so much more than we realize.
But here is to the beginning of book three and the wonderful, magical possibilities that await the vast expanse of this undiscovered country that is my adventure called life….starting now. And I am so happy you are here to be part of it!