autobiography

my life, with artistic license.

What Would Jane Do?

Not my Jayne. My Jayne would crawl into the pantry and eat goldfish crackers straight out of the box and get them all over the floor. And then she would look up at me with those cute pig tails and get away with it. No. The Jane. Ms. Austen, to be more exact. I was at...

victory

It's the beginning of a new chapter in the adventure called my life. Actually, I am starting a completely new novel, I think. After much consideration, I realize that I am just wrapping up book two in the series, which is the one where it seems like everyone is...

thank you, mr. whitman

Lately, I have been feeling like I am in front of one of those magnifying mirrors under flourescent lighting. Only instead of it being one for my face, it's a full length mirror. It's not pretty. I feel like I am not only seeing imperfections I was very well aware I...

are you a cast member?

Whenever I was "on property" (that's insider talk for being somewhere at the Walt DisneyWorld Resorts...), I would always get a thrill when people would say, Are you a cast member? Sometimes people wouldn't even ask that. They would just ask me where in the park I...

Y9

I am happily settled into my condo with all of my many loves so very close to me that I can almost hear all of them breathing at night from my room. Actually, most nights, they stay up far longer than I do, talking and giggling and goofing around until long after I am...

back to the beginning

I am back in Utah. Back to the beginning of when I started to really write. It feels strange. I think it's funny how I kept feeling like everything was different--but it's not Utah that's different--it's me who has changed. Going back to the ocean was good for me. I...

going north

I wish she would grow up. She wasted all her school time wanting to be the age she is now, and she'll waste all the rest of her life trying to stay that age. Her whole idea is to race on to the silliest time of one's life as quick as she can and then stop there as...

badger creek

The last summer of Joy's life, we spent a lot of time at Badger Creek, BYU Idaho's Outdoor Learning Facility. It's a 250 acre ranch in Tetonia. I always felt great there because it felt safe. Not like the other places in Targhee where I felt like bears were watching...

excavation

I went to look at plans for our home today. We talked about closets and doors and wood and tile and elevations and drystack and insulation. I have to admit that sometimes I just nodded and had no idea what they were talking about. It's like they were speaking...

writer’s block

I love Idaho. God always sends me here when I need to heal. When I need miracles. When I can't go much further. I have writer's block. Some chapters are dark and dreary and need to wait to be written. Too lonely and unsure. I was supposed to be entering my second...

a happy thing

It is good to feel lost... because it proves you have a navigational sense of where "Home" is. You know that a place that feels like being found exists. And maybe your current location isn't that place but, Hallelujah, that unsettled, uneasy feeling of lost-ness just...

how did it happen?

When I talk to people about Joy and her dying, the first thing most people ask, without even really thinking about it is: How did it happen? I don't know if it's just human nature or an involuntary reflex, but that is what people say. And, at first, I was so...