My PICC line is out.
My white blood cell count is going down.
I am actually not staying in my room right now, instead I have swapped with my girls and am in the dorm room. The girls are in the master bedroom upstairs because I can’t really do stairs yet.
I can’t believe how well they prepared the room–it was so clean and beautiful! It looks stunning!
They also did all the decorations, including this lovely paper display chain and flying dragon:
I am so glad to be home! It is a wonderful thing. I did, however, cry on the way home. I was so afraid that I wouldn’t be able to deal with anything very well. It turns out that the children have become so very considerate and kind that they are all trying to be soft and gentle–which is so beautiful to me. I hardly recognize my oldest two–they have taken on such responsibility, and have become a young man and a young woman.
I am actually having a difficult time with my emotions right now. It turns out that nearly dying can also be emotionally difficult. It turns out there is a little bit of guilt that I am feeling for having put my husband and children through this, among many other emotions.
I know that is utterly silly, but there it is. I don’t make sense right now to myself.
But, I know it will all be okay.
I am just trying to listen to the Spirit and to be careful not to do too much, but to also challenge myself.
Today, I took a shower after I went to get my PICC line out. That was a lot, because I washed my hair and stood for quite some time. I also ate a small bowl of salad finally (before I had been only able to eat a few bites).
My favorite thing I did today was to hold my 8 month old, Daniel for about five minutes. It was awesome! My other favorite part was cuddling with Noah, who is signing more now and kept signing “mommy” today (talk about melting my heart!).
Tomorrow is going to be great, even if it is challenging!
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